Friday, September 01, 2006

Sexy Book...I'm Bringing Sexy Book

Forget Justin, forget Jay-Z and Bee-yonk, forget Shaquira and Jessica and 50 and Al Gore. Everyone knows the real sexy is at Barnes and Noble. And this fall, these five books are bringing sexy back...TO THE BOOKSTORE.

Voltaire! Emilie du Châtelet! Dead white men with wigs and quills! I can almost hear Shakira shaking her fly Latin booty as I flip the eroticized pages...

we're meant to be together...
hey la boule boule...
hey la boule bouleeeeeeeee...

Not to mention the author wrote a book called E=mc². I don't know what that little floating '2' means, but it sure looks sexy...

Just check out this sexy flap copy, and try keeping your pants on:

How do I apply leadership principles if I'm not the boss? It's a valid question that Maxwell answers in The 360 Degree Leader. You don't have to be the main leader, asserts Maxwell, to make significant impact in your organization. Good leaders are not only capable of leading their followers but are also adept at leading their superiors and their peers.

What Maxwell is really saying is that good leaders can lead their followers...right to the bedroom. Boump chicka boump boump.

Just read that, you know what happens after you take your shoes off...glide into the dining room for a sumptuous meal of the mayonnaise-based John Snow's Fish Salad and a side of Summer Borscht with Fresh Beets...

That's right, you'll be shaking your Barefoot Contessa all night long...

Now can you keep up, Ina Garten, make me lose my breath...(cue heavy breathing)

God wants you to be sexy. And as a woman, God wants you to be confident enough to be sexy. Whether you embrace the sexiness God intends is totally up to you. But damn does that silhouette on the cover look hot!

Joyce Meyer, sexy author of Battlefield of the Mind, teaches you the seven secrets of female confidence. And unsurprisingly, four of them involve leopard-print bustiers, a life-size poster of Maxwell, and a jar of Skippy peanut butter.

So pick up a copy of The Confident Woman, and let God show you how to get down with the sexiness.

Is it just me, or was Tuesdays With Morrie just about the steamiest book since Norman Mailer's The Naked and the Dead?

Before you can even think about answering that, here comes Albom's new steamy overflowing latte of a book, For One More Day.

Now if you have a truly sexy (and dirty, you cat!) mind like Mitch Albom, just think about all the sexy things you can do in twenty four hours. Let's just say Morrie might want one more Tuesday after all...

You know what they ain't the size of the ship, but the motion of the ocean. Well check out this new book from Clive "Sexiest Man With a Beard Alive" Cussler. He has a huge ship and a rocking ocean. I don't think you'll hear anyone say, "You've sunk my battleship" this fall!

And if that doesn't make you sexy, think about Matthew McConaughaughaughney shirtless doing yoga on a beach with Lance Armstrong. You don't need to be in the Sahara to experience that kind of primal sexiness.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I never need convincing when it comes to reading but damn, you got me breaking my foot to get to the bookstore. I think you've got another career in advertising. That was waaaay better than the gecko.

3:38 PM  
Blogger Sam said...

Is Mr. Cussler's beard alive? How scary.

And as for Dirk Pitt - (Jr. And Sr.) - My fantasy would be having both of them falling for the same dominitrix.

4:17 AM  
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