Friday, March 28, 2008

Jose Canseco

I think this guy is the biggest scumbag on the face of the earth. Whatever he's done to expose the steroid era in baseball, fine. Congratulations. I'll give him credit for helping clean up the game. But that's where any sort of congratulations end. Don't think for a second Canseco would have done any of this if he wasn't getting paid. He's not a hero. He's Henry Hill, some worthless junkie who realized life had nothing more for him, a doofus who found people willing to pay for his story in which he condemns all the terrible things other people have done.

Even before Canseco began his "crusade," the guy was in a personal and professional tailspin. He was a punchline, Hawking his belongings, including his awards for chump change. He beat his wife, and beat up tourists. And ever since he became a "celebrity" with JUICED, you can barely turn on your TV without seeing the guy dispatching his "expert opinion" on the state of the game.

Today I was in my local Barnes & Noble and came across a copy of his new book, VINDICATED. The one where he says he introduced Alex Rodriguez to a steroid dealer, and personally injected Magglio Ordonez with roids. Now I would never buy Canseco's book, neither this one or the first. As much as I do hope the game is cleaned up, I refuse to contribute a dime to Canseco. 

Flipping through VINDICATED, it was painfully obvious the book has more empty stuffing than Pamela Anderson. A ten page chronology of Canseco's career. Twenty pages of lifetime statistics of all the players named in the book. Tons of photos. Forget paying $24.95, just go to ESPN.com. That's 97% of the book right there.

Then I turned to the back flap and read Canseco's 'about the author.' The last line of his bio reads as follow: Jose now lives a quiet life in California with his daughter Josie.

Quiet life?!?!?!?!?

When exactly does this quiet life occur? In between seasons of "The Surreal Life"? During his Nightline interview? After he was literally turned away from the recent (televised) congressional hearings? In between takes on the as-yet-to-be-filmed movie of his life that Canseco has been trying to get off the ground for years?

Do you know why Jose refused to name the mysterious 'Max' during his Nightline interview, claiming "The timing's not right"? Because he wants to maximize his publicity. And do you know why the book is being released on Monday, March 31st, opening day of the 2008 baseball season? To maximize publicity.

Jose Canseco is not a crusader. He is not a man who prefers anonymity. He is a man who realized he could make a few bucks throwing everyone he ever knew under the bus, and is now squeezing out every last drop he can. If I were Josie, I'd be pretty careful doing anything Dad wouldn't approve of since there's a good chance he'll throw her under the tires to puff up his third book.

So please, don't buy VINDICATED. You'll get all the relevant stories as the sports media picks apart the book's (fairly meatless) bones. If A-Rod and Ordonez are guilty, so be it. We'll learn in due time. And if baseball is going to be cleaned up, it can be done so up without donating money to this vermin. Lord knows you don't need money to lead a quiet life.

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3 Comments:

Blogger Jim Winter said...

Sure, I'll buy it. Soon as I finish Jayson Blair's book.

Oh, wait. I never got Jayson Blair's book.

Guess that'll be a loooong wait.

1:02 PM  
Blogger Daniel W. Powell said...

Evening Jason,

Really nice post. I couldn't agree with you more. I dork out occassionally over my baseball card collection, and I found myself disgusted the other day when I realized half of the players in those pages are cheating scumbags.

I lvoe baseball. I route for the Orioles religiously, and living in Florida, I check them out in Tampa when I can. I hit spring training. That said, I can't stand what the Orioles have done to the game. Segui (a HUGE cheating scumbag) got half of that team on roids! I used to love Brian Roberts; now I don't want to even watch him. I saw Cal's last game in Seattle years ago, when I was living in Portland. Roberts hit a homer. It was awesome.

Now it makes me sick.

Gibbons. Bigbie. Palmeiro. Tejada.

The game stinks right now because it's been brought low by such a scandal. I won't be shelling out this year in Tampa. But, truthfully, I love the game too much to extend my protest beyond this summer.

I'd be fine if Canseco went away and never was heard from again. I don't have any of his cards (though his '87 Fleer rookie card was once a great collectable) in my pages, but there are some in the commons. I might grab them out and take them out back and...well, defile them.

The dude's a cheating scumbag and, like Clemens, Bonds, Bagwell, Matt Williams, Kevin Mitchell, McGwire, Sosa, Pettite, Pudge, Juan Gonzales and the rest of the punks--he'll have to suffer the physical consequences of his decisions.

I think we'll be watching a deathwave of multi-millionaires passing in their early fifties. The indictment will come in the reality of their deaths.

And I REALLY feel for guys like Mark Grace, Will Clark, Paul Molitor, Cal Ripken and Craig Biggio. This era has cast them in darkness. It's a travesty.

Sheesh. Sorry about the rant. I enjoy writing also...

9:26 PM  
Blogger Daniel W. Powell said...

Oops. Didn't edit...

9:26 PM  

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