Monday, April 20, 2009

Look into my eyes...

While speaking at a library over the weekend, I came upon...this. Now, perhaps I am not exactly the demographic that can be persuaded to read a book by a sultry-looking Orlando Bloom...but is this not the most ridiculous thing you've ever seen? It's not as if celebrities advertising reading is a bad thing (just across the room was a poster featuring Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart reading a copy of TWILIGHT while looking like they're actually enjoying it. Yes, they were reading it. Not clutching it like Linus with his blanket). So why is this ridiculous? Let's go step-by-step:

1) Orlando does not look like he shows any interest in reading. In fact, he seems to be saying, "Let me take that silly book from you so we can snuggle."

2) What kind of book is he holding? Some sort of bible from the middle ages? I think he's trying to channel Ron Burgundy: "I am Orlando Bloom...I own many leather-bound books, and my apartment smells of rich mahogany."

3) Who does this appeal to? Teenage boys? Nope. Older men? Uh-uh (at least I hope not). Older women? Come on, they're into Hugh Jackman. Teenage girls? Ick. Orlando is 32. That's entering creepyhood.

4) Orlando is clutching that book so tightly it's as if he wants to do everything in his sharp-cheekboned power to prevent you from reading. "Oh, you want this book? You know where I have lots of books? In my bedroom (wink, wink)."

5) "Orlando Bloom @ your library"--is that a threat?

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Blogger Jason Boyett said...

I'm outing myself as a nerd, but I'm pretty sure that's a Tolkien book he's holding. The weird foil-stamped character on the front is Tolkien's J.R.R.T. glyph.

So quite possibly, he is clutching the 30-year-old male's version of Twilight.

9:17 AM  
Blogger Jason Pinter said...

I suppose that would make sense seeing as he was in the LOTR movies, but that glyph is too obscure to be recognized but anyone but the most hardcore nerds. No offense on your nerd-dom.

9:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

These Celebrity READ are put out by the American Library Association, and have been for at least 30 years. My mom used to work for them. I had the Sting one up in my dorm room (it was from the Frankenstein movie that he did). From the ALA website, it looks like they are still selling the Yoda "Read and the Force is with You" one that my brother had in his bedroom growing up.

There is an author series, too. James Patterson is the only mystery/thriller author.

1:48 PM  
Blogger John R said...

Got to admit my nerdishness was enough to identify the book, too.

As for the teenage girls thing - well, to an extent I suppose it's creepy, but to be honest, how many grown up actors, bands et al. have cultivated the teen girl (and teen boy) demographic since time immemorial? An awful lot - it's great if you can get them buying your stuff (or, in this case, reading your tightly-clutched books). Teenage girls have been lusting after Bloom since LotR and (especially) PotC came out; this just piggybacks that for a good cause.

1:54 PM  
Blogger Jason Pinter said...

John R - I suppose you're right, but I still wish the poster felt more like an advertisement for actual reading rather than for Orlando Bloom. As I mentioned, there was a poster across the library with the stars of "Twilight" actually reading the book and seemingly enjoying it. The poster felt more like them endorsing the book. This ones looks like the poster endorsing Orlando's cheekbones.

2:55 PM  
Blogger Dave White said...

Of course it's endorsing Bloom. It's saying "Bloom reads, so should you." That said, I wonder what Bloom reads....

5:13 PM  

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