Thursday, December 04, 2008

Name the Corporate Gibberish Executive Contest

In celebration of all the corporate gibberish being bandied about this holiday season, I'm running a contest. The rules are simple:

--Come up with the best (i.e. most corporately gibberish) job title for the executive responsible for turning human words into corporate gibberish. Then either post your entry on this blog, or email it to me at  

Some examples of such corporate gibberish are:

“HP committed to reinvesting integration savings into its workforce to ensure it has the global footprint it needs, sending an important message to customers concerned about how the reduction will affect their HP/EDS contracts." (Hewlett Packard)

"We are evaluating spans of control and layers of management to ensure that our front-line Associates are empowered; instituting more discipline and controls around expense management; identifying overlapping functions that can be combined to drive efficiency; outsourcing functions where appropriate; and eliminating entire pieces of non-value added work." (Circuit City)

The contest will end at midnight on Sunday, December 7th. The winner will receive signed copies of all three released Henry Parker novels (THE MARK, THE GUILTY and THE STOLEN). There must be somebody at these companies whose job it is to write this gibberish. Come up with the best job title for this employee, then post it here or email it to me, and win!



Blogger Brent Billy Curtis said...

Corporate Facilitator in Charge of Synergistic Metrics designed to Streamline and Interface with Cross-Platform Optimization of the Repurposing of Jargon so it becomes Macro-interactive and Achieves an Holistically Evolving set of Benchmarks

2:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Vice President of Verbiage Overflow

2:20 PM  
Blogger Rick Baker said...


That would be the "Executive Director of Corporate Communication Obfuscation Through Public Policy Double-speak And Reverberation"


2:35 PM  

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