Liveblogging the first 13 minutes of "Castle"
So there's this new show premiering called Castle, in which a rock-star mystery author (Nathan Fillion) tails a female cop (Stana Katic) in order to research his new book. Or something like that. Anyway, the first 13 minutes are online and I figured I'd live blog it.
Interesting opening as the anonymous killer decorates his bloody victim with flowers. Kind of like "American Beauty" meets "Dexter" with the new Batman theme spliced in. The eyeball flowers are a little bit of overkill.
Novelist Richard Castle is introduced at some hoity toity book party, which from the looks of it probably ate up 80% of his publisher's marketing budget for the year. Castle signs some blond lady's bosom then says "Call me when you want to wash that off" in his best 'Miggs from Silence of the Lambs' voice. Imagine what would happen if someone did this at Bouchercon. How long would it take for the cops to handcuff him? Three seconds? Two?
Castle's new book is called STORM FALL and his series character is named Derek Storm. I hope Barry Eisler, RAIN FALL and John Rain are getting royalties from this.
Castle signs books for all the hot young things in the audience. Most ludicrous part of this scene? It's a book party for a mystery author and there's not a person there (besides Castle) over the age of 35. This is like bizarro mystery world.
We meet the female cop, Kate Beckett, as she studies dead flower girl, saying, "Who are you?" I hope CSI is getting royalties from this. She immediately deduces that the killer knew the girl. Man, usually the cop has to investigate to determine that. I guess they figure we've all seen cop shows so they're cutting to the chase. "No signs of a struggle," Beckett analyzes. Except, of course, for the two bullet wounds. Just saying.
Seems Kate is a CWWDDOGOM (Career Woman Who Doesn't Date Or Get Out Much). I hope every female romantic comedy lead from 1980 to the present is getting royalties from this.
We learn that Castle's publisher is also his ex-wife. They must have met at BEA or something.
Seems Castle has killed off Derek Storm due to artistic malaise and is suffering from writers block. His ex-wife/publisher, Gina, (again an attractive blond who looks like she just graduated college) threatens to demand he return his advance unless a new book hits her desk ASAP. Gina is low-talking to the point where she makes Jack Donaghy seem like a circus barker.
Castle's daughter, Alexis, is a bookworm and his mother, Martha, is a horny old lady. I hope Blanche from "The Golden Girls" is getting royalties from this. Apparently Castle hangs around in his underwear instead of writing. Hey, he really is a novelist!
Mama Castle is on the lookout for older, wealthy, unmarried men, which she picks up on her 'graydar'. Ok, that was funny.
Castle offers Alexis (who is studying while at the party) a glass of champagne, which she refuses. Hasn't she seen "Gossip Girl"? Fifteen year olds can't get anywhere in life unless they're alcoholics! Castle criticizes her bookwormishness by asking how she wants to be viewed by her (unborn) children. Ok, talking to your fifteen your old daughter about her not-yet-conceived children is a little creepy.
Castle complains that too many people ask him where he gets his ideas. Hey, he really is a novelist!
Seems the flower girl murder was a scene right out of one of Castle's books. I hope the creators of "Basic Instinct" are getting royalties from this.
After being read his rap sheet (um, isn't he just there for questioning?) Castle offers to spank Kate. I did that once, but Ray Kelly wasn't amused.
Seems flower girl is the second murder patterned from a Castle novel. Castle then name drops James Patterson and Stephen J. Cannell as his poker buddies. Props for acknowledging actual authors and not making people up.
Castle interrupts Alexis (studying again) by asking why she's not listening to Martha sing while Graydar from the party plays the piano. No wonder U.S. test scores are way down.
Alexis wants to know more about the murders. She's got a kind of cool Penny from "Inspector Gadget" thing going, and I hope she has a real role on this show.
Kate brings a stack of books into the station and asks her two partners to brush up on Castle's backlist. One asks, "Do you have any on tape?" The other cop laughs. Isn't illiteracy hilarious?
Apparently Kate inscribes her books 'From the library of Kate Beckett.' Um, ok...
Kate's partner: "I work dead bodies all day long. The last thing I want to do when I go home is read murder books." That's actually a fair point.
Dead flower girl is covered in rose petals, and nobody even thinks of "American Beauty"?
Kind of a formulaic first taste, and I'm not feeling the actress playing Kate Beckett (she seems to be doing a Lucy Liu-lite). But Nathan Fillion has personality, and his daughter seems kind of cool (and it's nice to have a teenage character who's not a total druggie or misanthrope). I'll probably watch the rest of the first episode, but the show's going to have to get a lot more original to keep me interested.
Labels: pop culture