LOST: Season 5
SPOILER ALERT: Do not read this if you haven't seen the episode. Do not read this if you have missed any episodes. Do not read this if you have consumed alcohol within the last 45 days, or thought that the timeline of the "Terminator" movies was just too darn confusing.
And away we go...
--Great start to the episode. Exactly what we need, the introduction of two more characters (Jacob and he-who-wants-to-kill-Jacob) we've never met, and now must pay attention to. Because the 87 we're currently following weren't enough. Was anyone else slightly, I don't know...disappointed that Jacob was just a regular dude? Shouldn't he have been someone way cooler, like Erik Estrada or Al Bundy?
--Hey, the big stone statue! For a while there I was convinced they were simply going to 'forget' this thing because there didn't seem to be any rational explanation for it being there. Wait, did I use the word 'Rational' in a "Lost" recap? Silly me!
--I did like the Jacob flashbacks, especially the Locke one. Seeing him fall from that building and go splat right behind Jacob made me jump. Good stuff.
--So Eloise is pregnant, presumably with Daniel. That's messed up. Poor girl kills her son...while pregnant with him at the same time. Some therapist is going to get rich off of her.
--When did Radzinsky take over the Dharma initiative? When we first met him, wasn't he a glorified janitor? And where is Horace? And has Horace ever looked in a mirror and realized that he's wearing the bus driver from South Park's wig?
--Juliet commandeers the sub, because she has officially taken control of Sawyer's (cough, LaFleur's) cojones.
--Lapidus wakes up with the group led by the girl who tried to arrest Sayid. I'd completely forgotten about these people. Apparently they have something of great importance in a box. Marcellus Wallace has been looking for that since 1994!
--Richard asks the same question I've been pondering about Locke for three seasons: Why is he so special? The guy keeps getting shot and injured, falls for traps and ploys like he's getting paid to, not to mention that he has slight man-boobs. Why is everyone convinced he has some grand destiny?
--Now Ben is going to kill Jacob. Sure. Why not?
--Jacob distracts Sayid, leading to Nadia's death. Whoa. Didn't see that coming. And now we know how Nadia died. Good scene.
--Suddenly Sayid knows how to operate a nuclear warhead? Wasn't he just a guy who was good at plucking peoples' fingernails out with pliars? He must have hung out with Nicholas Cage's character from "The Rock" since they're the only two people who can dismantle a nuclear device with nothing more than a Swiss army knife.
--Wouldn't you love it if you could just bonk someone on the head, rendering them unconscious for the exact amount of time you require, whereupon they wake up with nothing more than a slight headache? Seriously, every episode there's at least one 'we need this person out of the way' bonk to the noggin that incapacitates them at the right moment. Nobody ever gets a concussion or heaven forbid a fractured skull, and nobody requires more than one bonk. Wouldn't this have been great when you were a teenager? "Son, why didn't you get home until 4 a.m. last night? And why do your clothes smell likes the inside of a Portuguese toilet? And who is this 40-year old woman and why is she wearing your pants?" Bonk. They're out for just enough time for you to cover your tracks.
--Jack and Sayid try to "hide in plain sight" (great idea, doctor) and a massive gunfight breaks out. Sayid takes a bullet in the stomach (NOOOO!!!! SAYID HAS BEEN AWESOME THIS SEASON!), but Jack 'Eastwood' Shepherd kills like 18 people before they're rescued by the Hurleymobile.
--Holy poop on a stick! Vincent! Rose! Bernard! Where have you been? Oh, right, living in a little hut and growing a Gregg Popovich beard. I loved Sawyer's explanation ("We haven't seen you guys since the fire arrows!"). Which is code for, "The writers completely forgot about you, but the fans sent so many letters asking where the hell you were that we needed to address it." Still, nice to see characters again who are content to just live and not get caught up in this interdimensional brouhaha.
--Ben is awesome. After Sun catches him in a lie, he says, "That's what I do." When Locke says, "Can I ask you a question," Ben immediately replies, "I'm a Pisces." I would pay money to watch a show of Ben just messing with people for an hour.
--Ah, so now we get to see for ourselves the story Jack told Kate in the very first episode. And who is waiting outside the operation room? Jacob. Coolness. (Though having recently undergone spinal surgery, this scene made me squirm)
--Wait...so Jack wants to set off the bomb because he and Kate are no longer dating? Seriously dude, that's your rationale? At least this leads to a sweet fight between Sawyer and Jack (which has been a long time coming). Jack holds up surprisingly well considering he's a surgeon and Sawyer is a career scumbag. Three points for the ridiculous field goal kick to the groin. The Gramatica brothers would be proud.
--Juliet breaks up with Sawyer because she thinks he'll break up with her for Kate? Not sure I buy this (or the "not everyone is meant to be together" flashback). Sawyer seems sincere in his love for her, and he's lived with her for the past three years in happiness. Plus he shaved. Getting Sawyer to shave is like getting the Pope to admit he watches the Spice channel.
--Ah, we finally learn how Hurley got out of prison (he was discharged). Slightly anti-climactic. And was anyone else hoping for a Keyser Soze moment when Hurley was getting his possessions back? ("One cigarette lighter, gold. One pocket watch, gold. Extra stretchy band.")
--So Jacob lives in a...foot? Who is he, Miss Marple?
--Locke and Ben enter the foot (that sounds like a bad Jackie Chan movie). Locke gives Ben a knife. I don't think he needs it; Ben could just undermine Jacob to death.
--Miles, the lone voice of reason: what if the hydrogen bomb is what causes the 'Incident' rather than prevents it. And everyone else has an 'aw, hell' moment. I like Miles.
--Another massive gunfight, as the Hurleymobile provides cover for Jack as Radzinsky and Phil shoot at him. Between the whiny Phil, the scraggly Radzinsky, plus Hurley and his band of merry misfits, this seems like the kind of gunfight that would break out at a Star Trek convention.
--Jack throws the bomb down the hole and...nothing. Except the hole starts sucking everything metal towards it, leading to an awesome impaling of Phil by a steel rod. I don't think those rods serve any purpose other than to impale people.
--Really emotional moment, as Juliet gets tangled in chains and dragged into the hole. Sawyer catches her, but the pull is just too strong and she slips away. I have no jokes--that was a really wrenching scene.
--Ilana arrives at the foot and speaks to Richard in a different language. She also calls him Ricardus. Huh? Then she spills open the box to reveal...John Locke's body? Double huh? So who's in the foot?
--Ben and "Locke" find Jacob, and Jacob applauds "Locke" for finding the loophole. Seems the guy from the first scene who wanted to kill Locke has inhabited Locke's body. Again, huh? Though it makes perfect sense for Locke's character: the guy really was just a huge patsy used and manipulated by everyone who ever met him. He believed he had some grand destiny, but in the end his destiny is just to be manipulated to the ultimate degree. If that's true, then it's brilliant.
--Ben kills Jacob (who seemed like he was asking for it). Then he pushes him into the fire. Then he says "you suck" and smears gum in his hair. Ok, I made that last part up.
--Juliet is still alive at the bottom of the hole (yay...huh?), but badly hurt. And right next to her is the bomb. (Wait...the dynamite from the ship goes off if you look at it the wrong way, but a nuclear device can withstand a 100-foot freefall?) So Juliet picks up a rock and bashes the device (so much for Faraday's "specific instructions" on how to detonate it), until finally...Boom.
And so here we are. Some questions answered. Lots more asked. And now, I need an Advil.
Labels: pop culture