Wednesday, May 17, 2006

10 Things You Didn't Know
About "The Da Vinci Code"

1. Dan Brown is actually an anagram for the famous Welsh author Warb Donn, who famously instigated the storming of the Bastille in 1837 and was later found to have kidnapped the Lindbergh baby.

2. Jesus Christ was not actually married to Mary Magdelaine, but rather a hotel heiress who caused an irrevocable rift in their relationship when she leaked a homemade scroll containing their graphic carnal romps.

3. Leonardo Da Vinci does not actually appear in the film. Sources say his agent, Ari Emanuel, asked for $10 million up front plus 15% of the gross. The studio cast Elijah Wood in his stead.

4. The Opus Dei nightclub in Las Vegas is one of the highest-grossing hotspots in North America. Clubgoers have shown an affinity for their specialty drink, "Jesus's Sacrament," which contains 1 part Vermouth, 1 part Tonic water, 1 part Clam Juice and 1 part Jaegermeister. Shake well and drink for your sins.

5. Tom Hanks reportedly campaigned for the desirable part of hero Robert Landgon by dressing up like Shaquille O'Neal and driving his DeLorean automobile into Ron Howard's swimming pool.

6. The part of spunky love interest Sophie Neveu was won by French actress Audrey Tatou after a bitter drawn out battle against Academy Award winner Jessica Tandy, who finally lost her grip on the part when the studio realized she had passed away in 1994.

7. The Mona Lisa was actually a pseudonym for a notoriously publicity-shy author named John Twelve Hawks, who claimed to live off the grid.

8. Paul Bettany, who plays the monk Silas, is married in real life to Jennifer Connelly. Connelly starred in "The Blood Diamond" with Djimon Hounsou. Hounsou was in 2005's "The Beauty Shop" with Kevin Bacon.

9. After being sued by Michael Baigent and Richard Leigh for allegedly stealing parts of their book Holy Blood, Holy Grail, Dan Brown hired attorney Johnny Cochran, who proceeded to show that due to Brown's freakish abnormality of being born with dwarf-sized hands, he could not have possibly been able to hold their book let alone read it.

10. The Da Vinci Code has sold over 40,000,000 copies worldwide since 2003, the second highest-selling entertainment product since John Tesh's 1998 album "Grand Passion," which has sold over 150,000,000 copies. Though nobody knows anybody who owns one.

8 Comments:

Blogger S. W. Vaughn said...

Three cheers for Jaegermeister bombs. :-) And great job getting to Kevin Bacon in only three degrees!

2:00 PM  
Blogger Jason said...

Willen Dafoe played Jesus in "The Last Temptation of Christ."

Dafoe starred in "Spider-Man" with Tobey MaGuire.

Tobey MaGuire was in "The Ice Storm" was Jessica Stone.

Stone was in "Loverboy" with Kevin Bacon.

So Jesus is four degrees removed from Kevin Bacon.

4:49 PM  
Blogger S. W. Vaughn said...

LOL! I loved The Last Temptation of Christ. Spectacular little-known film; more people should watch it.

Wonder if Kevin Bacon knows he's only four degrees from Jesus?

10:40 PM  
Blogger Rob Gregory Browne said...

ROTFL. Hilarious, Jason.

7:41 AM  
Blogger Rob Gregory Browne said...

S.W., I wouldn't say the Last Temptation is a little known film. When it was originally released, it was greeted by massive protests -- despite the fact that its director, Martin Scorcese, is extremely religious.

7:44 AM  
Blogger S. W. Vaughn said...

You're right, Rob. I think I meant "not as hyped as The Passion of the Christ." :-)

8:28 AM  
Blogger Jason said...

Friends, enough bickering. Jesus, or in this case Willem Dafoe, would hardly approve.

9:29 AM  
Blogger S. W. Vaughn said...

Bickering? Who's bickering? That was an agreement! *halo*

I heart Rob.

5:15 PM  

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